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Can I Get "Things That Will Happen When Hell Freezes Over" For $200, Alex?

Matt Lauer's current $25-million-a-year contract with NBC will not be renewed, because Today's viewers went from loving to hate-watch him to hating to hate-watch him. Alex Trebek's final contract as...

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What A Waste Of Gold Glitter (UPDATE: LiLo Strikes Deal, Isn't Going To Jail)

Lindsay Lohanfinally decided to show up to court in L.A. this morning and she was only 50 minutes late. LiLo probably stopped for Blood Marys, did a pre-hearing bump in a gas station bathroom and...

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FREE THE HAMMACONDA!

The Hammaconda is living the life. It gets to hang out Jon Hamm all the time, it gets to get hand hugged by Jon Hamm regularly, it gets to go shopping, it gets to go to Hawaii and most important of all...

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Goopy Wants To Blow You

Goopy Paltrow wants you to starve like her, wants you to dress like her, wants you to exercise like her and now she wants you to have stringy bleached-out skeleton hair...like her! Goopy, her...

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NBC Wants To Replace Matt Lauer With Anderson Cooper On Today

Matt Lauer'sToday show contract with NBC doesn't end until 2014, but the head bitches at the network want him to pack up all his shit and get out as soon as possible since everybody wants to repeatedly...

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Norway Moves Midterms So Students Can Go To The Justin Bieber Concert

When Justin Bieber was in Norway last year, the Mayor of Oslo almost had to declare a State of Emergency after thousands of crazed Beliebers trampled over each other while trying to get to their Jesus....

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The Carrie Trailer Is Here

If you don't want to spend an hour plus of your life watching the Carrie remake when it comes out on October, just watch the trailer, because it's the Cliffs Notes version on speed. It tells the entire...

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Goopy Is A "Bad Mutha" When She Raps While Cooking

"Ew, can you believe they don't have Manuka honey and duck eggs at the Bristol Farms around the corner? I didn't realize we were in the ghetto, girl," is probably what Goopy Paltrow said to Tracy...

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Teen Mom Farrah Made A Porno With James Deen

Since murdering eardrums and showing off her new face on InTouch didn't get Farrah Abraham of Teen Mom enough attention, she's gone full shameless fame whore by pretending that the porn she made with...

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That Is The Face Of A Man Who Is Doing It With Charlize Theron

And that is the face of a woman who now knows that everybody knows that she's doing Seth MacFarlane. Charlize Theron was supposedly sniffing all over Seth McFartlane's crotch at an Oscars after-party...

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Storm Got A New Look

Here's the first picture of Halle Berry's return as Storm in X-Men: Days of Future Past, brought to us by Bryan Singer'sTwatter. Never mind that it looks like that suit is eating her neck, Storm...

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QUICK! Cover Chester Cheetah's Eyes!

Betrayal comes in many forms and today betrayal comes in the form of these pictures of Brit Brit Spears putting her mouth on a delicious cheesy grocery snack that didn't come from the sticky loins of...

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Star Magazine named Goopy Paltrow the Most Hated Celebrity in Hollywood last week and this week, People has named her the the World's Most Beautiful Woman. Of course, People chose a picture of Goopy...

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The $17 Million Rhode Island Mansion That Dozens Of Break-Up Songs Bought

Taylor Swift is once again showing all of us that we're in wrong line of work (unless you're line of work is waxing Anderson Cooper's butt cheeks... If that's the case, you're in the right line of work...

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Out, Damned Natalie Portman! Out, I say!

Yesterday, it was announced that Michael Fassbender is going to play Macbeth in a new Macbeth movie, and I don't really see him in that role, but it sort of makes sense for him to play the King of...

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Antoine Dodson Renounces His Gayness

Hide yo pussies! Hide yo daughters! Hide yo heterosexuality! Because the sugar-covered seahorse of Alabama, Antoine Dodson, claims that he's snatching up the gayness out of his being and wants a wife...

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Shawn Holley And Betty Ford Took Lindsay Lohan Back

Seen above making a subtle "Why am I posing in a sexy photo shoot with this bitch? Why do I keep taking this bitch back? Why me?" face, Shawn Holley took Lindsay Lohan back as a client yesterday after...

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Prince Hot Ginge Is Telling Everybody That Duchess Kate's Got A Future King...

Some people thought that Duchess Kate would birth out a future queen named Diana Elizabeth Jodie (as in "Jodie Marsh" as in the true Queen of England) after she supposedly spit out the news on accident...

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Phoebe Price's Dog Has A Nanny

Being a supermodel and ho stroll icon is hard work and extremely exhausting. Every night before bed when Phoebe Price takes out her chicken cutlet cheeks and puts them in a vacuum-sealed freezer bag...

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If Only Suri Cruise Was Really Launching Her Own Fashion Line For Kids

The Sun says that international fashion icon Suri Cruise has signed (or scribbled) a $2.3 million deal to start her own fashion line for children called Suri. Since this is coming from The Sun, then...

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